The Visitor

‘I’m passing by tomorrow. I want to taste your cooking.’

She read that message twice. The level of audacity men have nowadays can be appalling. She wondered if men of ‘long ago’ used to just invite themselves into women spaces. Where is the pride? Where is the ego? When did men get so sassy? And who told him he could just invite himself over. Anyway she agreed, she had something to gain from this. She knew that this was a test to see if she’s ‘wife material’. His cousins probably gassed him up by asking

‘Bro, you going to marry someone you ain’t even sure if she can take care of your household. Kwanza, have you tasted her food? Mzee utakuwa unalala njaa.’

Problem is such men are ‘Mr. I don’t bring nothing to the table’. They want to test you before they even prove their providing capabilities. And this was proven right.

Come D-day and he was late. Very late. Six hours late to be precise, she wasn’t impressed and she made sure her emotions were well known. Turns out he’d gone to first pay his water bill and the matatu he was in had been impounded by the police for failure to follow traffic laws. Given her state, she didn’t understand this. Because why was he running errands yet he knew he had to be there early. When he arrived she wasn’t impressed. His outfit of choice was some ugly ragged pair of jean shorts, faded shirt and worn out shoes which she couldn’t really tell if their original color was brown or black. And like a typical modern African man, he only brought himself. No thoughtful gift no nothing. Just his big self with phone at hand. He didn’t even have a wallet. Where was his money? She didn’t know and rarely saw him with any. He also smelled kinda funny, like industrial soap. Maybe it was the jail he was in for those six hours.

After the awkward silence had passed she served him a plate of garlic mashed potatoes, braised pork chops, some gravy and a side of stir fried veggies. He ate the food with so much relish, licked his plate clean and asked for more. She willingly obliged. She loved it when visitors enjoyed her cooking. It filled her with pride knowing people appreciated her culinary skills. She begged him to spend the night, he didn’t want to fuck her but she did. What’s the use of making her wait all those hours being fed till he was full and he didn’t want to give her that one thing. We definitely fucking. So he reluctantly undressed and got on top of her.

The tele was still on as he penetrated her. The movie was based on the life of Biggie and his feud with Pac. She’d watched it a couple of times so it was for her guest. Good thing with her current physical state was that she was always lubricated. Sex was fun and easy plus no need to use protection. Of course she used this fact to her advantage. She smelt his skin when his head was tucked on her shoulder. So that industrial soapy smell was only on his clothes. Good to know. But how comes he doesn’t smell of anything? No ‘cool breeze’ body lotion? No ‘deep woods’ cologne? Just bathe with sabuni ya kipande and apply some vaseline? That’s it? She stopped thinking and started concentrating on his movements.

Then she noticed that his attention was elsewhere and not on her. Was he trying to watch the movie while being deep inside her? Unbelievable! What a turn off. She dried up almost instantly and lay there ‘kifo cha mende’ waiting for him to finish. After he was done, she rolled over and went straight to sleep. He continued watching his movie. He was rudely cut off by her sexual demands anyway.

Sometime during the night he woke her up. Apparently Internet had stopped working and he had a game to watch. No problem, she bought bundles and gave him her tablet. She turned back to sleep. Morning and he was still on the phone and she on the other hand was horny. But nothing she did could wake his little Johnny up, eventually out of frustration he said,

‘Eish babe relax, imekataa. We’ll try again later.’

The look of disgust on her face was colossal. What is this bagga useful for. Can’t provide, can’t fuck, sheesh what a turn off. Anyway all she wanted was to be included in his medical cover. She’ll play it cool till then. Her little embarrassment reminded her that it was breakfast time and he was hungry. She tried her best to hide her disgust as she took money from her purse to go buy bread and eggs.

As she went to the shops she began reminiscing about how they first met. Their date, he didn’t even know where to take her. So he chose a restaurant at the far side of town. By the time they arrived her feet were sore. Her four inch heels aggravated the assault even more. One month later and they were at his place Netflix and Chill. She had arrived there at 7am, she thought he’d make breakfast later but he didn’t mention anything so they just sat their staring at the TV.

12am and there was still no sign of him cooking or ordering anything,

‘Ben I’m starting to feel hungry.’

To which he just looked at her, smiled and continued watching the tele. One hour later she asked again if they’ll be any lunch. This time he replied,

‘I’m sorry but this is my cousin’s place, I can’t really cook over here.’

Then order sth via glovo goddamnit was all she could think of but she kept quiet. She had come all that way only to be kept hungry, with no food or water? She wanted to go home already but her sister had left and the house was locked till evening. All she could do was sit and stare in disbelief at her bad choices. First thing after she leaves was to take a morning after pill. Imagine carrying a child of such an inconsiderate man. 3am and her throat was past dry plus she was getting irritable. His voice was annoying and when he smiled he looked like Shrek. Time please move fast, she thought, I want to go home. She remembered she had some gum in her purse which she’d bought from a homeless street child and she took it out, gave him one and the he did the unthinkable. Yup she knew he was playing but this wasn’t the time. After he unwrapped the gum, he stuffed the wrapper back into her hand and with the most annoying, menacing laughter she’d ever heard he said,

‘Thanks. HAHAHAAAA. OK psyche, but thanks HAHAHAA.’

She fake smiled took both wrappers, his and hers, and put them back into her purse. Unbelievable! YUCK! One of his cousins arrived at around 5:30 with his girlfriend. He’d bought some funny smelling food just for him and his gf and was preparing it in the kitchen. So she asked Ben if they should leave. Like clearly four was a crowd. Plus she didn’t want just to sit there and watch the others eat yet she was dying of hunger. Her sister wasn’t back home yet but she could find a place to crush for a few. Ben insisted that it was alright. So she stayed albeit feeling uncomfy. Her date went to the kitchen and guess what, he came back with a mouthful of food, which he flaunted it to her face as he sat down. She was now pissed and insisted on leaving.

He ordered her an uber, the only gentleman thing he’d done that day, but she had already made up her mind. She was going to break up with him but after she got her period. Can’t be in a struggling relationship whereas the economy and standards of living was at a steadfast rise. Her periods never came so now she was stuck with him.

She went back home and made him some toast bread, fried egg with tea. No black tea please, he said, it gives him a heartburn. She couldn’t wait for him to leave. Her stomach was bloated, she needed to use the restroom plus she was tired of having him in her space. He ate two of the four slices of bread, which kinda pissed her off because why was he wasting food he wasn’t even buying. Half an hour later she was escorting him to the stage.

‘Take care of our young one okay? Don’t stress yourself. Btw do you have 2k on you, I’ll refund?’

When she got home after escorting him she knew she was screwed. So you come to my house, eat my food, wear my clothes, be all up in my face and still have the nerve to borrow money? Make it make sense. He had promised to come see her later on. She wasn’t looking forward to it. He’d left his ugly smelling grey sweater as reassurance that he’d be back, she took it and put it inside a basin and covered it. That smell irritated her. How he chewed his food, walked, talked, his yellowing teeth, everything about him was an eye sore. She wasn’t going to cook, si he said he loved junk food. Then that’s what she’ll offer.

8pm sharp he was at her door with a sob story of how his phone was stolen while alighting from the matatu on his way back home. What was for supper? Cookies, cakes and juice. He ate a couple cookies, drank two glasses of juice then come midnight he started saying that he was hungry. Reluctantly she woke up and prepared for him some rice and beans, which he ate only half and saved the rest for morning. That’s what he said anyway. On his way out he borrowed one of her phones to use for the time being as he waits to replace his. Annoyed she vehemently refused. She wondered for how long she could put up with him.

Not for long it seems. As she was trying to accommodate him for some benefits she would receive, he wasn’t working on it. When she found out that she wasn’t a beneficiary to his health cover and neither was he actively doing anything to ensure this, she flipped. Finally something had pushed her buttons,

‘Ben sijawahi ona mtu omba omba kama wewe kwa maisha yangu yote. You expect people to take care of you while you can’t do the same. Which man is even comfortable, staying and eating in a woman’s place. In a house you don’t pay rent or any bills. Are you not embarrassed? When I used to visit you did you offer me any food or drink? But when you came to my house you had your demands and expectations. May you continue to suffer in this cold earth until you learn your lesson. I’m just glad you’re no longer my problem. I feel sorry for your future wife. On your way out learn some self respect. Mcheewwt!’