Crazy Kiasi

In an interrogation room, deep in the heart of the city a police officer was really trying to understand what conspired that night in a high-rise apartment block, door 5B. Urgency was of the essence and the more the culprit failed to open up, a life was at risk. A lot was at stake.

"Mary Anne, I don't think you understand how much trouble you're in. We found you standing over the victim's body, weapon at hand. Blood dripping down your legs and on your clothes. You have no wound so you haven't been hurt, the blood is his right?"
Mary Anne seemed to be in a daze her gaze fixed on the dull grey walls. She slowly nodded her head and looked down.
"So where is it? He's already lost a lot of blood and in need of urgent care. Seems like you want to go to jail for murder right?"
Mary Anne didnt move a muscle, the interrogator was getting annoyed and he slammed his fist on the metallic table, this startled her and she looked at him, hands folded on her chest in fear,
"WHERE IS IT? MARY ANNE I AM TALKING TO YOU, ARE YOU DUMB! WHERE-IS-IT?"

At the hospital a surgeon and his nurses were tending to a young man, with a grim look on their faces. It didn’t look too good. With immediate medical attention, reconstructive surgery was possible. But the suspect was still not talking. Three hours had passed since he was brought to the hospital. He was found in a pool of his own blood, having collapsed from either shock from blood loss or from a fall based on the big bump on his forehead. The situation had been contained and he was stable though not awake yet. Hopefully the suspect would see the error in her ways and talk. For now, there was nothing more they could do.

Back in the high-rise apartment, the caretaker and night guard were being grilled about the unfortunate events that had taken place under their watch. The night guard said the victim knew the suspect and that she visited often. He even left a key for her at the office when she came. She was no stranger there. The caretaker affirmed this. That indeed the victim and suspect knew each other, in such a way he thought they were dating. Since the victim moved there five months ago, she was a frequent visitor. Plus she looked very harmless, was always kind and polite so that incident shocked them too.

So what had happened? The night guard said he was on duty, but he’d eaten some not so good food from the kibanda down the road and his stomach was runny. So he took frequent visits to the toilet, and the last visit he’d forgotten to lock the door. He guessed that’s when the suspect sneaked in and stole the key. A maid had come in earlier on the day, so the victim had left a spare key at the office for her. She’d returned it when she left. The keys are placed according to room numbers thus it wasn’t hard to find.

The house itself was a mess. TV broken, furniture upturned, water was leaking from a broken pipe thus the floor was flooded, cutlery in the kitchen was all over the place mixed with broken glass and china. The trash outside too wasn’t spared. The victims bedroom was a mess too with clothes strewn all over and drawers left wide open with their contents out. In the hallway though, was a pool of blood mixed in with water. Where the victim had lay close to death for about 20mins waiting for emergency services. The crazy girlfriend, as she was described was found standing next to him. Knife at hand dripping with blood. Was this a case of a scorned lover? What exactly happened at door 5B? The suspect, Mary Anne, was not talking.

Back at the hospital, the victim, a young male was waking up. The police were quickly called to take a statement. Although drowsy, he was able to talk. He said he arrived home around 10:30pm from work. He requested the spare key from the guard of which he told him that he can’t find it but will look for it. This tickled his senses as he approached his house to find the door open. He could hear noises from inside, so he called the night guard, telling him to come with extra security as there’s an intruder. He entered to find his house a complete mess. Everything broken, wet and out of place. He heard noises coming down the hallway from his bedroom. He  armed himself with a baseball bat and approached with caution. As he turned the corner of the hallway a figure he knew very well stepped out. He was shocked and screamed at her. But that’s all he remembered. The next thing he knew he was in hospital, in pain and drowsy from all the drugs. Asked what was his relationship with the suspect, he said they’ve been dating for the past year and things were going really well, so even he himself is surprised.

Back at the station, things seemed to be going nowhere. Mary Anne wasn’t talking at all. There was dried blood all over her hands and dress and her hair was all shaggy. Her eyes were red from lack of sleep and she seemed sad. A negotiator was called, the inspector specifically asked for a woman. Maybe she could get the suspect to talk.

Esther had been a negotiator and behaviour analyst appointed to the state for the past 10 years. She’d worked thousands of cases and was well respected in her field. When she was woken up at 5am to go help in an emergency, she quickly went. She was briefed on the matter and knew perfectly how to approach it. When she first entered the room, she saw a scared young girl afraid to talk. Her face was slightly bruised, possibly from being slapped around by inspectors in the office. She wondered why she wasn’t called sooner.

She pulled a chair next to the suspect and apologised for the bad treatment. She ordered for a glass of water to be brought plus some food for the suspect. She then proceeded to clean her face and hands while introducing herself,

“Mary Anne, I know trusting men in this day and age is hard. I know you didn’t do that out of your will but circumstances forced you to. Sweetheart, what really happened? I’m sorry for what my colleagues have done. You didn’t deserve that. Do you want a sanitary towel? I see you’re still bleeding,”

She said pointing at the drops of blood still running down the suspects legs. Mary Anne looked down of which she nodded her head to the negative. She’d peed herself she said. Probably mixed in with the blood. OK this was progress her first words. So what happened? Esther asked. Mary Anne looked at her deeply in her eyes, straightened herself and told the wildest story she’d ever heard in her fifteen years in office.

So Mary Anne suspected her boyfriend of 12 months of cheating. They’d known each other for five years but decided to make it official the previous year. She said she’d stuck by his side all those years only to be betrayed and discarded over and over again. That she held a lot of resentment towards him even after he said he’d changed and he’d finally chosen her. But she found it hard to trust him. So on that fateful day, she knew he was working late and that the maid came and left by 4pm. Despite being his girlfriend, he hadn’t given her the key to his house yet and this she assumed that he was cheating. She still had to confirm with him if she wanted to visit. And of late he seemed kinda elusive. Wanting to search for evidence, she decided to sneak into his house.

Knowing the guard took his supper at around 7pm, she waited for the waitress to deliver his food at the gate, hid in the shadows and when he went outside to wash his hands, poured a copious amount of laxatives in his dinner. Soon the effects were felt and he ran to the washrooms, at this point she took the extra key and ran all the way to 5th floor. She herself couldn’t believe that the first part of her plan had worked. She switched on the lights and began looking, but whatever followed were a series of unfortunate events.

She started in the sitting room, but somehow the heavy metal wall piece wasn’t secure enough and fell straight on the TV with a huge crash breaking it, as she tried to lift it, she slipped and fell onto the water dispenser, spilling water around. She rushed into the kitchen to get a towel that was on the dish rack, not noticing that it was stuck onto one of the joints. The rack, being full of dishes came tumbling down. She stood there in disbelief, but had to act quick. She quickly went outside, took a broom and garbage bag and started sweeping the broken China, tossing them into the almost full garbage bag. The broken pieces though cut through the bag and as she was trying to lift it, spilled the garbage all over the place, leaving a trail all the way outside.

She had to clean up, the powder soap was in the top shelf in the bathroom. She wasn’t tall enough so she climbed up with the help of the pipe that fed water to the toilet. Big mistake, it came off and splashed water all around. A lot of water. At this point she knew she was screwed so why not just do what brought her there. She went into his bedroom, upturned the mattress, removed the clothes from the hangers and searched the pockets. She found nothing. But her instincts were always right. She went to the side tables and rummaged through the drawers, putting everything on the bed. She found a pack of condoms, with two pieces missing inside. Aha! Caught him they never used condoms.

At this point she heard movement on the hallway and she stepped out to peek. They both startled each other and she noticed he had a bat at hand. Immediately he started screaming at her, yelling and saying what was wrong with her head. She screamed back accusing him of cheating and throwing the pack of condoms at him. He shook his head in disbelief, charging towards her, screaming at her to leave. Then the most unfortunate thing happened, he slipped and fell, face forward into the wet floor banging his forehead in the process with a sickening thud. He seemed to convulse a bit then stopped moving.

She rushed to him, and being a man of big stature, she struggled to put him on his back but managed. She tried to wake him up but to no avail. Assuming he was dead, she went to the kitchen and took a knife, all she wanted was a piece of him. At this point Mary Anne paused and took a sip of water. She placed her head between her hands and began sobbing. Esther brought her a tissue and she thankfully accepted. Then she urged her to continue with the story.

She knelt beside him, at this point the pool of water was about two/three inches high. Cut off his shirt and rubbed her hands on his chest. She bent over and placed a kiss on his lips. He was the only man she’d ever loved and now he’s gone. She heard commotion outside from the stairways and knew she had to act fast. They caught her after the act. Knife at hand, dripping in blood.

"Mary Anne, what did you do? Where is it?"
Mary Anne looked at her with the most innocent eyes and said, "he's inside me," she looked down at her stomach.
"What....what do you mean, you .... you ate it?"
She shook her head no and pointed to the blood on her feet. It finally hit and her eyes widened in shock.

The surgeon sat at his desk twelve hours later processing everything that had happened. What could make such a beautiful young woman do such a deplorable act. He felt like he needed a drink yet he’d been sober for the past three years. Anyway, the surgery had been successful and with time, the patient would get full use of his appendage though it’ll take time and probably, more surgery.

Mary Anne after a visit from the Obgyn, was placed in custody. A case was opened against her for causing grievous bodily harm. While in custody she was found out to be pregnant. The judge going through the case was surprised like everyone else. This story was just too crazy. So a young woman, sees it fit, to cut off her boyfriend’s penis after he passes out from a blow to the head, caused by her clumsiness. And after cutting it off, she stuffs it into her vagina? For what purpose? Unbelievable! Is it voodoo. The victim also claimed that this was how she became pregnant, but this was disputed as the pregnancy was slightly older. She then used this as defense for acting crazy.

The human behaviour baffles a lot of people and no wonder it’s still being studied. The victim at first really wanted to press charges. But after hearing he might not get an erection and it might be hard to get an offspring. He dropped all charges on Mary Anne. Especially since she was already carrying his baby. He eventually went ahead and married her. This by far deserves an episode on Ripleys Believe it or not.